My little Cousin

BabyBu, originally uploaded by Lixrael.

My aunt traveled with her little family leaving behind her youngest child, a daughter of 10 months, with me to take care after her. It was the best solutions since I am now considered a permanent resident at my grandma's where my aunt is living, in which then, the change wouldn't be that dramatic for her.

Now it has been already a week since they left, and I am already noticing a difference in her growing personality. She is starting to be picky with her food, with toys, and most interesting, she is finally trying her best in verbal communication.
Of course, no words yet, but a couple trend of sounds that she believes to be comprehendible. Am trying to teach her to say Mama or Papa, or even something similar to my name since many kids have been successful in saying my name in their early stages of babbling due to its simplicity. My brother used to call me Ade when he was a baby boy :) Not really bad. I actually find that cute and still desirable unlike other sissy name they might call me in their attempt to make my name sound softer to the grownup ears.

I am really enjoying my time with her ... she seems to be filling my day with joy. The best part is early mornings when I wake up on her giggles and teasing calls. However, that was different in the last two days ... She seems to be having nightmares or annoying thoughts in her sleep. She would moan bitterly and kick nervously in her bed. She would wake up from 2-4 times at night. One reason my grandma gave was her sleeping patterns. She has been sleeping more in the afternoon leaving little for her troubled sleep at night.
That wouldn't be a problem if I don't have to wake up early in the morning for work. Because of her restless sleep, I've been late for work and start to feel tired even before midday. I miss her giggles ...
I was thinking of letting her sleep with me in bed, but I can't risk it. She is an active on, even in sleep. I often see her legs and arms twisted in weird places or see that she have turned all the way around in her sleep. I can only bring her in bed with me when it near 7 in the morning. That is my time to leave home and head for work. I would give the responsibility for the maid to watch over her will my grandma wake up in an hour or two.

I wonder if I will have the chance of raising my own child. Am taking this change to do my best in making a difference in my little cousin's life. Would she remember these days we're spending with each other? I doubt it. I hardly remember anything in her age. Most of my childhood memories concentrate on the age of 5, I believe.
Sometimes I get the notion that I am mixing up my imaginary life with the real one. Sometimes, I doubt having any imagination then, and would realize that I've been socked with nothing but innocence of a child.

Speaking of innocence, where did that disappear? The would now nearly dead. Innocence and imagination are part of pictures and graphics made by the technical world. Everything now is physical. Little is left to the imagination. And even those graphic tendencies are full with violence and complicated ethics rather than simple virtues of friendship and honesty.
I don't know, things were similar. I miss those poor drawings of cartoons, those innocent faces...

Its nearly midnight now, and I have to leave soon for bed :) Umm If I even have children, I would love to share with them what I had. Nevertheless, I am not sure that is going to be the best choice. I think I should leave the changing course and their choices to make. Even though I know how hard that is, esp when I always want to make them avoid the trouble I have in my own life and the hard lessons I have learned through my mistakes ... My relationship with sister is the greatest example. Anyway, got to run now :)
Good night, and sweet dreams.