I used to do so many things. I used to write more, read more, paint and draw more, dance more, think more positively, dream more, hope more dance more, and smile more.
I don't know why i stopped doing those things. Is it certainly not because of growing up, but it might be because of the things "I got myself into". i get mixed up with the wrong people, made the wrong choices, and been sleeping more, maybe.
I've been sleeping more than ever.
Like most of my day is spent in bed and the other is watching television and eating. Yes, I gained more weight, and am feeling more depressed when it comes to clothes. Most of the things I love to wear doesn't look as soon on me anymore. And everyone who is trying to make me feel better about myself in saying how good i look makes me feel worse about myself cause I know that I am not, and that I have been better and feeling better about myself.
My Birthday is getting close, and like last year and the pervious one and the one before, I make a vow to myself that by my Birthday, things would be better. I would work so hard to reach my goals so when it is my birthday, I would kind of feeling like starting over again in hope that things will be better.
However, this time, am not feeling like trying. I can hear myself saying, "what's the use? things will never get better. You are a total ruin and no one really care if you do make your life better or worse". I would listen to that and in the same time deny it, and fight it. "I will make a difference. I need my life to get better. I want to feel better about myself and my world. I need to feel like I've done something useful in my life, even though it might be hopeless and resistant to change".
Who needs people?
ReplyDeleteyou're doing this for people you shouldn't do it in the first place.. people are not worthy of this.
If its anyone you should do this for, its you. One should work for oneself not for others..
have you ever asked yourself "what do i want?"
answer this.. and I'm sure you're going to find its not that difficult.
What if I don't know what I really want? How would I find that out?
ReplyDeletewell then you need to ask yourself this question.
ReplyDeletethe answer you have to look for carefully.. it takes time to find out.
Just saying Don't give up girl... Humans were made to suffer...
ReplyDeleteRegards
An old friend
that is right ,,, I've just find it ;)
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday, or shall I say a new happy year may it be to the philosophers…
To the ones who live to ask questions to them selves knowing that finding the answers won’t change any body’s life!
To the ones who know that solves needs to be fixed and they know how to fix it but they insets on finding new treatments that D.N.E. instead of fixing it. Do we know our solves better than who granted it to us ?
then why can’t we find peace living with it ?
Yeh…
Keep opening new questionnaire topics will take us somewhere.
If you kept it a secret until you reach your goals and then published the achievements would it be any different ?